


zoom actually

by noonwalk



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, No Plot, Zoom Meetings, just anxiety, nobody has coherent thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26559463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noonwalk/pseuds/noonwalk
Summary: As a man living through 2020, Jongdae has many problems. Pandemic aside, he just really wants to kiss Baekhyun. Pandemic into consideration, he just doesn’t know how to.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50
Collections: Lil' Something Fest 2020





	zoom actually

The sound of the fan interrupts the otherwise uncomfortable silence in the room. There’s no one else besides him, but Jongdae’s special party trick is always feeling out of place, even when he’s just by himself. The humming is not loud enough to drown out the sound of Jongdae’s heartbeats though. Unprompted, his brain starts to reproduce that one scene in Jumanji—there’s a stampede coming and with each passing second, the noise grows louder and louder, closer and closer. The ringing in his ears is unbearable by now. He can almost physically feel his heart jumping out of his chest with each beat. 

His right hand moves over the touchpad on instinct, unable to process any of the words he reads on the screen. But his palms are sweaty and it takes longer than it should. He both wants to crawl into the pile of blankets in his bed and also to get this over with. 

He just needs to do it, he just needs to rip off the Band-Aid. And these are his friends, he has to remind himself over and over again, they won’t judge. Well... There’s probably gonna be a little judging involved. Like he said, these are indeed his friends. But if all goes according to plan, the pros outnumber the cons. 

As he clicks on the **S** **tart Meeting** button, he realizes he’s been holding his breath. For how long, he’s not really sure. Jongdae can’t think when his reflection is staring back at him like that. It feels as though there were miles separating him and the man he sees on the screen. Like it's a version of him who doesn’t feel his nervousness, his panic. But he can’t really envy him, not at all. Because the man in front of him also doesn’t feel love and Jongdae is not Jongdae if he isn’t in love with Baekhyun.

“Hi, hyung.” Sehun’s big head and almost bigger nose appear on the screen in front of him. In the corner, he can spot Chanyeol’s blonde hair and his disaster of an attempt at a mullet.

His stomach starts to hurt again—the fake deep conversation with his reflection over by now. Maybe that’s why the “Sorry I’m late” of Kyungsoo goes completely unnoticed by Jongdae. He’s got bigger problems at the moment, the leading one is remembering how to breathe. 

Funnily enough, it’s Baekhyun’s voice in his head that is reminding him of the steps. Baekhyun has always had a way with words, but it’s in moments like these Jongdae can see just how powerful they are, just how much effect they have on him. But Jongdae’s not surprised. For as long as he can remember, be it one of his boxy smiles or a nudge on the shoulder, he always seems to know exactly what he needs. Him.

“First take a slow and deep breath through your nose,” Baekhyun’s voice is always soft, reassuring, “and then hold it for a while.” 

Jongdae’s never known how to say no to him. Even in his mind. 

“The air is in your belly,” he mentions every single time. Jongdae’s not entirely sure that’s true, but who is he to complain, when he’s being held like that. “And now, let go.” He finishes. “Repeat a couple of times”. 

Of course, funnily is a funny word to use, because Baekhyun is the reason his brain forgets to send the pretty much indispensable and definitely of vital importance signals to the rest of his body. What that fucker doesn’t forget, obviously, is to send the signals to even the non-sweat-related glands of his body to go ham on him. Jongdae’s just, at any given moment, moist. He could talk all day about how his brain works—or doesn’t—but his head is pounding at the moment. And his heart is beating so fast. And he feels kind of dizzy. And... fuck, Jongdae can’t even keep track of all the symptoms.

The third entry chime, barely audible with the humming of the fan, alerts Jongdae of Junmyeon’s presence, the last person to join the meeting. He had accidentally clicked on the “Jongdae’s 28th Birthday Party” Zoom meeting link instead of the “Jongdae’s very normal and casual get-together” one. Jongdae had to resend the correct link and that had taken a while too. It’s not his fault they’re both technologically challenged. Both Sehun and Chanyeol disagree, they’re the ones to blame. 

“Jongdae? Earth to Jongdae?” Kyungsoo’s voice shakes him out of his trance, but all he can do is stare blankly at the screen. He swears he has a personality in non-stressful situations. Even if those are rare. 

“I don’t think that’s Jongdae, guys.” Chanyeol’s face is finally in the frame. He got some highlights done. Now Jongdae appreciates the way the mullet had looked before, like he never knew what he had until he lost it. “It looks like someone planted a taxidermy version of him in his living room, except even _that_ would blink more than whatever is in front of us.”

All of his friends start laughing, and the awkward silence is finally broken. Chanyeol is good at that. Even Jongdae giggles a little, pretending to know what taxidermy means. Whatever. He’ll still tell Baekhyun the joke when this is all over, he’d probably understand the reference. And there isn’t a prettier sight than Baekhyun’s moon-shaped eyes when he laughs.

“Sorry, sorry.” Jongdae lets out another giggle. He’s just glad someone else was the one to break the ice. He just needs to do it, he reminds himself one more time, he needs to rip off the Band-Aid. Taking one last deep breath, he finally begins. “Thank you for taking time off your day to help me,” he knows the only way Sehun and Chanyeol will be useful is if he compliments them, “and for not telling Baekhyun about it.” Jongdae doesn’t really know if that’s true, but he likes to believe he can trust everyone in the room. Virtual room, that is.

He invited Chanyeol because, well, Jongdae wanted to bring out the big guns: extroverts. Being really close to Baekhyun was another one of the advantages, and Jongdae needs all the help he can get. Hence why he invited Sehun to begin with. If he didn’t, he would’ve found out one way or another and would either: A. make a scene in the middle of the meeting, wasting the forty minutes the Basic membership allows or B. (and definitely the worst possible outcome) Tell Baekhyun about the secret meeting Jongdae didn’t invite them to. And then again, Jongdae needs all the help he can get. Kyungsoo was an easy choice since he’s the sensible one and, even if he’s as introverted as Jongdae, he’s more realistic than Chanyeol will ever be. Finally, he invited Junmyeon because again, extroverts. Besides, one of his special powers is knowing how to make Sehun shut up, and Jongdae will always find that extremely impressive. It does come with consequences, though, like images burned in the back of Jongdae’s head that he desperately wishes to erase. 

He decides to start from the beginning, the text he had sent a couple of days ago too vague for them to _really_ know.

“So… I’m kind of in love with Baekhyun.” None of them bats an eye. Alright, maybe they did know. “And I want you to help me confess.” 

The _fucking finally_ and _about time_ he hears… Well. He should’ve seen that coming too. Specially the look of relief he sees on Kyungsoo’s face. Kind of rude, if you ask Jongdae. He might have been at the edge of a mental breakdown but he was kind of looking forward to this. The gasps, the shock, the drama. Whatever, he needs their help. He can act offended later. 

Actually, their reaction had helped him calm down in a way. He doesn’t need to remind his body to breathe anymore and his stomach hurts a little less too. They know now, and in Jongdae’s book, that means he gets to talk about Baekhyun for a solid ten minutes with someone that isn’t his cat. He’s savoring every second. 

Baekhyun and Jongdae had been dancing around each other for a while. A really really long while, Chanyeol thought necessary to add. Jongdae agreed. For the longest time, he thought being all over each other was actual torture for his gay little self. Now, when he can barely see him, he just wishes he could tell past-Jongdae to be a little bolder—present-Jongdae can’t take it anymore. He’s being greedy, he knows. But Baekhyun is everything he could ask for, everything he could wish for. He’s Discord calls at 3am, because there’s a creepy corridor in the game and Baekhyun’s too scared to go alone. He’s video calls at the supermarket, because they can’t go on their weekly shopping adventure anymore and Jongdae misses that more than he ever thought he would. And it’s all incredibly dumb, everything extremely cliche, Jongdae is in love with his best friend. But being best friends is not enough for him, not anymore, hasn’t been for a while now. All he needs is to be given a chance, a date. A date he doesn’t know how to ask him to, but one that if he agrees, Jongdae will make it everything Baekhyun could ask for, everything he could wish for. And when that’s over, maybe, perhaps, just if Baekhyun wants, Jongdae will ask to come over to his house the day of his birthday. The excuses were already rehearsed, of course. He’s got fancy lights! A fancy computer where he can host the meeting! And so maybe, perhaps, just if Baekhyun wants, it can be a date too. Tell his friends they’re an actual thing now, no more dancing around. But this is where his big sexy brain stops working, because he doesn’t know how to do it. He’s too nervous and too dumb and maybe this was a mistake. 

“You’re overcomplicating things, hyung” Sehun says for the tenth time in a row. 

“A short ‘I’d love for you to join my birthday party via Zoom and I hope you consider going with me as more than a friend’ is enough.” Junmyeon provides, also tired of it all.

“You call _that_ short??” Chanyeol’s entire body shakes, like it can’t contain the laughter a second longer. Jongdae sometimes appreciates the social distancing thing, it means not a single part of his body hurts when he laughs. “Just send ‘u r so right king, u single?’ and drop the link.” He adds, not actually serious… Right?

“Setting aside how fucking awful that sounds,” Jongdae begins, “I’m the one who will start the conversation. I can’t tell him he’s right out of nowhere.”

“Besides, he doesn’t need the ego boost,” Kyungsoo quickly chimes in. “Just go “Hello, this is the link for my birthday party over Zoom. I was wondering if you wanted to be my date that day.’ ”

“ ‘Hello’ is way too formal, though,” Chanyeol shakes his head. 

“What about ‘Hey’?” Junmyeon asks, because he’s a normal person who has normal thoughts.

“Are you serious?” Everything about Sehun’s intonation makes Jongdae feel dumb, even if he wasn’t the one who made the suggestion. “Everyone knows you only text ‘Hey’ if you wanna sext,” he says, because he’s _not_ a normal person and doesn’t have normal thoughts. 

Jongdae stares blankly at the screen, unable to come up with something to say. Thankfully, Kyungsoo helps him out with that one.

“What the _fuck_?” 

“Wait, is that why you sometimes send me nudes out of nowhere?” Jongdae quickly mutes Sehun for everyone in the meeting, including himself, his fight-or-flight response activated— he's never been so in tune with technology. This is what he means when he says Junmyeon’s presence is a double-edged sword. Thankfully, they only have 15 minutes left of Zoom’s 40 minutes time limit, so nobody feels the need to unpack all of _that_.

The suggestions keep coming, some dumber than others. Jongdae had expected that, but some actually managed to surprise him. It’s like they all share a single brain cell and it’s bouncing around their heads like a DVD screensaver until it gives up and goes to another person. And so finally, when there are only five minutes left, they come to an agreement. Jongdae’s gonna show he's interested in Baekhyun but won’t go further than that. They’re one of the few people in the group who can meet up, their jobs allowing them to do so, so he needs to take advantage of that. 

“Okay, alright. Okay.” Jongdae takes a deep breath. 

“It’s gonna be fine, I promise.” Junmyeon reassuring words don’t help at all, but his reassuring smile does and for that he’s thankful.

He opens Baekhyun’s chat and starts typing. The message begins with a _hi_ , not too formal and not too out there. They all agree they need to have dinner before the sexting can start. 

**큥**

“Hi, I decided I wanted to throw a little Zoom party for my birthday and you’re obviously invited. I was wondering if you wanted to attend with me as more than just friends? We can talk more about that when you come over tomorrow.”

“[ https://us04web.zoom.us/wc/19920921 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npxqg9p1Q94)”

Jongdae locks his phone as soon as he hits send. He doesn’t know if he wants Baekhyun to see the message right away or in a couple of hours. On the one hand, he could get support from his friends. But on the other, taking a nap to avoid his problems as a coping mechanism sounds lovely right now. Every time he wakes up from one of those, he feels numb.

“So what now?” Sehun breaks the silence. Jongdae isn’t sure if he wants to leave or not. Despite Sehun’s careless attitude, he likes to look after his hyungs. He’s also way too invested in all of this now. 

Jongdae doesn’t know the answer to his question and that makes him nervous. Extremely nervous. His stomach starts hurting again, a lot more than it used to before. There’s not a single day he doesn’t wish to be exempted from the consequences of his own actions, but right now, he wishes it more than ever.

Jongdae never looks as panicked as he always is, it’s like his inner turmoil it’s his and his only. And for how much he’s looking at the wall in front of him and for how much of a panic he’s in right now, all he can think about is that one Richard Siken quote. His world seems like it’s falling apart and all he can see is how he didn’t paint the wall very well. Maybe that’s why the low, short chime that is heard goes completely unnoticed by him. Jongdae is far too gone to care. 

“This was a mistake” His words are barely understandable, but the message is clear. The panic, now too. “I fucked up. I fucked up so badly.”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says, almost like in a hurry. 

“I can’t believe Sehun is right. He’s gonna think this is so fucking lame. I can’t have the love of my life thinking I’m lame. I mean, I am, but he shouldn’t find out until like… our third anniversary or something.” 

“ _Jongdae_.” Now Junmyeon, louder, in the same tone as Kyungsoo’s.

“I just want to hold his hand and squeeze his cheeks. I just want to make out with him in his lame Gamer chair and make him an even worse player than he already is. Fuck, I just-” 

“JONGDAE!” Both Chanyeol and Sehun scream at the same time, interrupting Jongdae's train of thought. He finally looks up at the screen, giving them his full attention, and freezes up instantly.

“Oh please, don’t let my presence stop you.” A new voice this time. Not Chanyeol’s, not Sehun’s. Another voice, one he knows all too well. 

No.

_No._

His stomach is a mess, catching up to the situation faster than his brain does. He's also dizzy, way too fucking dizzy. It feels as though the world was tilting over and Jongdae can't have that. No. It makes it hard for him to make out the shape of his computer now and that's definitely not good. It's actually bad, really fucking bad. He doesn't give up though, his right hand desperately searching for the **End Meeting** button. And Oh God, this is not actually happening. No. And _where’s that fucking button_ , he needs to find it right now.

“You _are_ lame, but that has never stopped me from loving you.” 

Just like that, one more chime-like sound can be heard. Time’s up. 

The meeting ends.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u found this incredibly dumb premise as entertaining as i did (admittedly, i do think im funnier than i actually am)  
>   
> thank u to the mods for running such a fun fest in so little time and hence keeping me well fed<3  
>   
> check out more jongdae-centred fics on this collection to celebrate chen day as god intended !


End file.
